UCLA Protest Camp Issues Laughable List of Requests

What is it with California? Is it something in the water?

Don’t get me wrong. Many great people, including great conservative and libertarian thinkers, live in California. Some of them may be found right here at RedState. I love these people and have enormous respect for them sticking it out in their beloved homes despite the lunacy that seems to be routine in the once-and-former Golden State. I’ve worked a lot in California and for some time maintained a second home there, and I see the appeal: beautiful scenery, a salubrious climate, beaches, mountains, and lots and lots of history.


But California universities haven’t escaped the pro-Hamas protest lunacy that seems to be gripping the country’s campuses of late.

While many of these protests have devolved into riots, leave it to UCLA to provide us with some unintentional humor in the form of a list of requests that the protesters in the encampment are, presumably, asking for people to just give them. 

Let’s have a look at some of the items on the list, shall we? First, under “URGENT” (The all-caps lets you know they are really serious.)

Headlamps. Are they planning for the electricity to be cut off? It’s not like they are out in the wilderness; in every photo I’ve seen, it looks like there is ample lighting.

Airsoft Goggles and Gas masks/respirators. Presumably, they are preparing for the inevitable rain of tear gas canisters, but having been through a few Army gas chamber exercises, I can tell them they’ll need more than that.


Utility gloves, of various sizes, especially for small hands. Am I the only one that finds that giggle-inducing? Small hands, indeed.

See Related: Comedy Gold: Flag Guy Has a Marvelous Wake-Up Call for UCLA Encampment Protesters 

‘They Held Me Hostage’: Worker Does More to Defend Columbia Than Admin After Protesters Break In

Under Medical, they ask for:

Epi-Pens — wait, those are for allergic reactions. Don’t any of these nitwits with allergies know enough to bring along their own epi-pens? Wait, never mind, I think I just answered my own question.

Non-steroid inhalers. See above.

Headlamps. Again? Are these medical headlamps, as opposed to the non-medical headlamps listed under “URGENT”?

It’s the section for “Food” that is just precious.

Vegan food and gluten-free food. Because there is nothing like veganism and gluten intolerance to demonstrate your solidarity with a bunch of Bronze Age barbarians who, only months ago, went on a brutal raping and murdering spree aimed at innocent civilians in Israel.

Here’s what they don’t want: Packaged food, coffee (seriously? What have they got against coffee?) bagels (OK, well, that one seems obvious) bananas, (Hah!), or nuts. (They already have all the nuts they need.)


If the UCLA administrators want to disperse this crowd in a hurry, I have a suggestion that will literally induce panic and send these young skulls full of mush fleeing as though chased by the very Furies themselves: Fly some drones over the camp and drop in deodorant, soap, and job applications. Oh, and drop in some bananas. And bagels. Lots and lots of bagels.

Leave a Comment